If we follow our deepest motivations and needs, we gain more energy. It seems that simple, but most people can only dream of that state. If your father forced you to study medicine but you just wanted to travel the world and meet people, then you may not follow your real needs. Don’t expect to be motivated, then, as meeting the simplest and most deeply hidden needs bring us happiness and motivation. When you are motivated, you don’t neglect your life, you have the energy to get up in the morning, your inner organs work in harmony, and you’re not weakened by boredom and depression. The problem is most people can’t even distinguish between real needs and artificial ones. So how can they meet them effectively?

Many people, especially women, say they want to watch movies about love but they fail to see that any good love film is actually about the problems with love. Throughout the film, we watch the issues and conflicts, keeping the movie exciting and at the end, everything finally goes well, and all are happy. Why does it end at this moment? Because nothing interesting will happen anymore.

But after leaving the cinema, people think that love is so exciting. But it was just an exciting movie about love. It could have been a good movie about a guy who works as a bus driver, but if you tell the story in an exciting way people will think that the job is so exciting that they then conclude it is a wonderful idea to become one, too.
This way they can follow false needs and motivation in their own lives.

After such a movie or book, we are charged with excitement and drama, not pure love. However, when we search for love in our own lives, we demand tenderness, friendliness, or stabilization from our partner. Even if we get this kind of love, it is far from the excitement we felt during a romantic movie. It disappoints us and years later we end up with a divorce case. If we knew that our true needs were connected with tenderness, but also a bit of passion, danger, and unpredictability, then there would be a chance to meet the real needs that bring fulfilment.

There are observations to be made on levels other than the scientific. Many scientists know everything there is to know about sex but can’t pick anyone up, science is only a tiny part of life and leaves many questions unanswered, including those relating to our needs. A properly defined need gives us wings and heals us, but sometimes defining it is more complex than fulfilling it. We must learn to spend some time listening to what we feel in order to dig down to the actual needs hidden behind the facade.

We will then see the deeper world.

Most people believe that giving money to a beggar is an act of pure altruism. But when we are sincere with ourselves, we observe that this simple act of helping someone makes us feel great too. If we notice that it is healing for ourselves, we may be open to altruism more often. However, we like to fool ourselves into thinking altruism isn’t selfish. It is. Do you think Mother Teresa wasn’t selfish? Sure, she was. But she was fulfilling her own needs not with money, but with appreciation from others.

If we admit that we are at least partially motivated by these selfish needs, we will have more frequent opportunities to meet them and help ourselves and others at the same time. It’s not so much about fulfilling needs as it is about following the real ones. You may follow them your whole life and have tons of energy in the process, or you may follow a fake path and lose your life energy every single day. We can find old people motivated to the point where you feel like the whole world has come to you when they enter the room. It is pure power and so nature will keep them strong and alive because they are very useful to the world. They follow their true purpose, not fake ideas forced by others. They haven’t listened to their parents, their teachers, or the internet. They dug very deep to discover what was pushing them forward and what was worth following.

You read a chapter from my book. If you like it read the entire book here https://pawel-lipka.com/books/

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